Sunday, July 15, 2012

Blah, Blah, Blahgs, Bloghs, Blogs.....

Photo courtesy of Allison B.
I write this crap.  No one else I think would own up to it.  It was inspired by my current hellish life, my reading of  other’s blogs and the thought that I could do no worse than anyone else.  It also serves as an on-going creative journal for my children too.  I wish my own mother had done the same. Don’t worry, the real juicy stuff  never gets published nor thrown up on Facebook.

I read a lot of blogs.  Some have the best writing I have read in years.  On the other hand, some are the worst forms of narcissism I have ever encountered.   I saw one the other day ( don’t ask me why I searched it out) which included the author demonstrating her singing abilities-or lack thereof- with a video.  Thank goodness for keyboard volume control. I was tempted to post a video of my own eye-rolling as a comment but my own camera-shyness and lack of technical know-how prevented me.  Thank God for small favors.

There are,  of course, the Mommy blogs.  Stepford Connecticut is not fictional after all.  What planet do these women live on?  I actually signed up for one to just exercise my sarcasm until I got banned from the site even though I had a faithful following. What could be funnier than commenting on toilet training? Teenager's messy rooms?  Homework excuses?  How about my original recipe for pumpkin cookies for .....dogs?  They (the mommies, that is) ate it up. My dogs actually run from the site of pumpkin pulp.  After all, good moms don’t waste the pumpkin guts when the entire family gathers to carve pumpkins, sing “Kumbaya” and scare each other with those oh-so-scary but painfully true neighborhood murder-for-hire and self-immolation stories (actually true in my neighborhood).  Welcome to Suburbia. 

Boo.  And don't forget, ladies, to make jack-o-lanterns with those "o's"!

The Mommy blogs also include those militant home-schoolers. Some with touches of militant Christianity. Combine the two and you get discussions on:  Moses parting the Red Sea into Fractions,  Genesis Genetics, Invertebrate Bible Biology, Intelligent Design for Dummies, Baby Jesus Pediatrics,  St. Paul’s Letters to the Epidemiologists,  and the ever so popular,  St. Peter’s Guide to American History. 

I think I am giving the State of Texas textbook ideas.

I would be insane if I spent every waking hour with my children. In case you are wondering  (because there may be doubts)  I don't home-school.

Craft blogs. Crap blogs.  Same difference.  Who the hell has time or interest to make that hideous stuff? Does the world really need a toilet paper holder with a doll’s body?  It reminds me of those hideous color-coordinated bridesmaid dolls which were made as table centerpieces for the Polish weddings of my youth.  Who was lucky enough to win the raffle to take purple and chartreuse Godzilla home?

There are the political blogs.  I especially like Driftglass although I don’t dislike fellow University of Chicago classmate David Brooks that much.  I actually enjoyed Mr. Brooks' ( I can’t call him David since we never really had classes together) series of reader contributions on reflections on mid-life.  Granted he didn’t write them, but I thought the idea was superb. I learned a lot too. Yes, Driftglass,  Mr. Brooks is a centrist. So is Andrew Sullivan.  Centrism keeps the New York Times still in business to which I am eternally grateful.  Driftglass’s science fiction themed blog on returning home to Iowa was as good as anything in The New Yorker recently. Driftglass has earned more respect than just the lint in Ray Bradbury’s pockets.

Roger Ebert, the movie critic of the Chicago Tribune, posts another well-written blog. As a nod to the old-fashioned journal writing, it is simply titled "Roger Ebert's Journal."  Sure, it is dominated by his love of movies but, he also explores more current topics in very well-structured essays.  I have learned so much from his work.

The business blogs are a realm unto their own and I don't ever pay attention. I am business savvy  but not to the point where it really influences my financial portfolio to any great extent.  

When blogs meld into the newspaper realm as The Huffington Post has done, it’s a new era in writing and media.  I read the Huffington Post but when it "publishes"  things by napropaths and chiropractors in the health section, I have serious issues with its credibility. The Weird News section is always entertaining though.

So whoever (or whomever-I am desperate need of an editor) reads this blog among many others:  First,  I haven’t gone crazy.  In many ways this writing allows me to keep what little is left of my sanity. Secondly, yes I am going through a tough time but, like all true cynics, I am a deep-seated optimist. And finally, I am glad to give someone a bit of a laugh now and then, however ridiculous it may be.

After all, I have learned the hard way, that it’s really hard to cry when you make yourself laugh.

For those interested, toilet paper holders are available in your choice of dress colors, hair colors and ethnicity: $10.99 COD. Allow a lifetime for delivery. Toilet paper not included.  Free macaroni decorated box if you email by midnight.  Sarcasm, free, to the first ten customers.  This product is not recommended for anyone under the age of 150. 

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