Friday, February 13, 2015

The Reeducation of J*

*Or some things highly competitive or Ivy League institutions do not teach you AND you were afraid to ask.

1. Children do not come with instructions.

2.  Depend on men soul-ly not solely.

3.  Trust your gut flora.

4.  Never, never borrow money from friends -and it’s corollary -never let friends borrow money from you.

5. Children are your biggest joy and biggest headache.

6.  Dogs are 8th wonders of the world.

7.  Common sense and IQ are inversely proportional.

8.  A kind word, a smile and a box of chocolate chip cookies are all worth their weight in gold.

9.  Yelling is to anxiety as expletives are to Paxil.

10.  Analogies are no longer on the SAT’s.

11.  Clothes and dishes do not wash themselves.

12.  A perfect house is the sign of a diseased mind or a really good cleaning person.

13.   Die before you get old.

14.  Never pass up a trip to New York City or Tijuana.

15.   Things can't be so bad if you can still laugh.